Miserable Failure

God, I've been failing so miserably. I've grown into an apathy all of my own.  Settled in like a warm blanket, but this blanket is not doing me any good.  Knick by knick I chip away at my own canvas, as if struggling to reach some unknown goal.  Drip by drip of my own blood brings me farther from where I'm trying to go, yet I continue.  A little more shame bubbles up each time a bandage comes off, revealing a dismal progress that is far from satisfying.  Maybe I'll never be satisfied.  Maybe this is the natural state of things....an innate inability to fix oneself. God, why am I such a mess?