A zillion steps forward!

I can't believe this. For the first time in....I don't know how long, there is not ONE open sore on my entire body. My nails are long (I haven't been biting them) and, although I really see some spots I badly want to pick at, I am NOT willing to undo all this progress I've made. I cannot even begin to imagine how upset I would be with myself if I screwed this up now. I can't remember the last time I looked at myself and didn't see any scratches or scabs. This morning when I hopped out of the shower, I though, "I'm gonna be pretty today." And I put on some make-up! I PUT ON MAKE-UP! I know what you're thinking, crazy! I know right? Don't get be wrong, I've been looking at my arms all day, and I feel my hands wander to touch my face and find something to pick at, but I am forcing myself to say no. I've been tricking myself into thinking it's okay for too long now. I'm holding myself accountable, and no means no! That being said....check this out!

I know, I know, I can hardly believe it either. I am just praying to God that this won't be a temporary change. I'm usually afraid to commit to a change, but this is one that I have to commit to. What kind of person can't even make a commitment to herself? Well I'll tell ya! This girl, right here! I'm loving loving how I look and feel. It's funny, for so long I was begging God to tell me why he put me here in Saginaw, why life was so hard, why, why, why??? I know the why now, and it's as clear as the sky on a beautiful fall day. I'm here for the healing. So what does that mean for me? I get better, then just leave? I don't know where life is going to take us, but I know whatever it is, I'll follow his lead. He hasn't let me down yet. Oh and by the way, we got our Bridge Card in the mail yesterday. No more choosing between food and bills. God always takes care of his own.