So, um....what's going on here?

So....the picking has been SO MUCH better lately.  I don't have any spots on me right now, at all.  *high fives self*.  Well, So yeahhhhh I've realized that the picking was never about the picking.  It felt like it was, but now that I'm not picking, I realize I have a lot more time for thinking.  It kind of sucks though because I've been thinking about all of the things I have been trying NOT to think about for all of these years.  It was like the picking was giving me an excuse to empty my brain.  I could just go to some no-where land, and just pick.  Everything was okay, and nothing mattered.  There were no issues, nothing hidden behind the scenes, haunting me, eating away at my heart, and slowly, at my skin.  Its amazing the strides I've made in the past two months maybe?  Gosh, I can't even remember how many therapists I've seen! But now, in just the past six weeks, the physical wounds have been closed, and the internal wounds have been torn open.  Raw and oozing. I hate it so much but it feels so much better than where I've been.  It's invigorating and it's painful at the same time.   I guess an inability to say no for 20 years has been causing me to secretly take it out on myself.  How did I never realize this?  I've been practicing saying no to myself, first and foremost.  The issue is, I'm my own worst enemy.  Sooooo......I've been trying so hard to focus on my little mini-goals, little things to do to feel better about myself while fighting my inner demons.  So check these bad boys out!